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Everybody Laugh: Favourite Canada Jokes

Have you heard the one about…?

I think you can tell a lot about a place by the jokes it tells about itself and Canadians do love to tell jokes on themselves.

These are some of my favourite jokes about Canada: they take shots at our reputation for tolerance and diversity, our reputed “niceness”, our intense weather, and our nearly pathological enthusiasm for hockey and aversion to tipping.

If you have a favourite Canada joke, please add it to the comments section below!

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Canadians don’t try to change lightbulbs, we accept them as they are.

Q: In an emergency, how do you get a bunch of Canadians out of a crowded swimming pool?

A: You say, “Please get out of the swimming pool.”

Q: What does a Canadian say when you step on their foot?

A: “Sorry!”

Q: How do you know what the weather is going to be like in Vancouver?

A: If you can’t see the mountains, it means it’s raining. And if you can see them, it means it’s going to rain.

Q: Why doesn’t Hamilton have a professional hockey team?

A: Because then Toronto would want one too. (Sorry Leafs fans…)

Q: What’s the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?

A: A canoe tips. (Ouch.)

Q: How cold is it in Canada?

A: In Celsius:

  • +25: visiting Aussies put on sweaters  (if they actually own one)
  • +20: visiting Floridians ask if somebody could please turn on the heat
  • +10: you start to see your own breath. Vancouverites begin shivering uncontrollably
  • 0: water freezes; construction begins on backyard hockey rinks
  • -10: Vancouverites weep with cold; Maritimers put on T-shirts
  • -15: Manitobans host the last backyard cookout with ice cream for dessert; Maritimers go camping
  • -25: Manitobans do up the top button
  • -35: Ottawans think about digging out their mitts
  • -50: Prairie kids start saying “Cold, eh?” and elect to stay inside for recess
  • -60: Vancouverites disappear; Montrealers put on overcoats; Yukoners close the bathroom window
  • -70: Hell freezes over and the Leafs win the Stanley Cup

Got a funny one about Canada? Please share it below!

And this is no joke: Canada is a great place to holiday. Follow the links below to find: