Have you heard the one about…?
I think you can tell a lot about a place by the jokes it tells about itself and Canadians do love to tell jokes on themselves.
These are some of my favourite jokes about Canada: they take shots at our reputation for tolerance and diversity, our reputed “niceness”, our intense weather, and our nearly pathological enthusiasm for hockey and aversion to tipping.
If you have a favourite Canada joke, please add it to the comments section below!
Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Canadians don’t try to change lightbulbs, we accept them as they are.
Q: In an emergency, how do you get a bunch of Canadians out of a crowded swimming pool?
A: You say, “Please get out of the swimming pool.”
Q: What does a Canadian say when you step on their foot?
A: “Sorry!”
Q: How do you know what the weather is going to be like in Vancouver?
A: If you can’t see the mountains, it means it’s raining. And if you can see them, it means it’s going to rain.
Q: Why doesn’t Hamilton have a professional hockey team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one too. (Sorry Leafs fans…)
Q: What’s the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?
A: A canoe tips. (Ouch.)
Q: How cold is it in Canada?
A: In Celsius:
- +25: visiting Aussies put on sweaters (if they actually own one)
- +20: visiting Floridians ask if somebody could please turn on the heat
- +10: you start to see your own breath. Vancouverites begin shivering uncontrollably
- 0: water freezes; construction begins on backyard hockey rinks
- -10: Vancouverites weep with cold; Maritimers put on T-shirts
- -15: Manitobans host the last backyard cookout with ice cream for dessert; Maritimers go camping
- -25: Manitobans do up the top button
- -35: Ottawans think about digging out their mitts
- -50: Prairie kids start saying “Cold, eh?” and elect to stay inside for recess
- -60: Vancouverites disappear; Montrealers put on overcoats; Yukoners close the bathroom window
- -70: Hell freezes over and the Leafs win the Stanley Cup
Got a funny one about Canada? Please share it below!
And this is no joke: Canada is a great place to holiday. Follow the links below to find:
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You might be Canadian if you once stuck your tongue on metal in the middle of winter. I know I stuck my tongue on the top of ski pole handle once. I found more “you might be Canadian if… at http://www.indefual.net/canada/jokes/mb-cnd.html
SPRINGTIME IN ALBERTA
When it’s springtime in Alberta
And the gentle breezes blow,
About seventy miles an hour
And it’s fifty-two below.
You can tell you’re in Alberta
’cause the snow’s up to your butt,
And with a breath of springtime air
Your nostrils both freeze shut.
The weather here is wonderful,
I think I’ll hang around…
I couldn’t leave, because my feet
Are frozen to the ground.
Ok that’s funny too!
only in Canada would it be -50 degrees and people would still be drinking slurpees just for the heck of it
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